I know I haven’t blogged for a really long time but the last term at school last year was so so busy! but it was mostly all good. The only way i can get my head around everything that has been happening is to write a list and go from there. My Mum is a list writer maybe I get it from her but if I didn’t have a last last term I don’t think I would have achieved so much! So I am sitting here with my cup of tea and think you should do the same because I think this going to be a really really really long one!
Number 1 on the list is … Capital Football Summer Skills Program
You might have noticed in my last few posts that I was becoming very upset and frustrated with myself and with others about playing football. I know that a lot of the time I say don’t give up, I say never say die, and I say that you can always pick yourself up, but I felt so down about myself and the my vision impairment I was serious;y thinking about not playing football this year. It was more out of frustration than anything because I love it so much and i hate the idea of not being the best i can be in things. One of things I really struggle with and still really struggle with is using my different vision aides. For example its hard to feel comfortable using my audible ball, firstly because of course it rattles and its different, and so people both kids and adults ask questions. Why is it that just because something is different people have to ask questions. and lets say a kids says why do you need that I and tell them that its because I have low vision or a vision impairment, they then still have more questions after that.
My low vision is complicated its a case of being ale to see or not being able to see its a case of my perception being different to others. What am I meant to say? do I say “Yes yes I can see the ball, I just don’t know how far away it is how fast it is coming towards me oh and happens to look flat.”?
And there is the problem with adults. Adults get so stuck on things. I think adults find it even more difficult to cope with change than kids do. Aren’t adults meant to be better at making things easier for kids? Sometimes I try to get brave and explain to adults when things are tricky to to see, I might explain that a particular pen at school works better or that if I play left back on overcast day its easier verses on a sunny day wing or right back is better because that is when i can take in a wider view of the field, or it could be something as simple as can we use white cones on green turf cause it makes the boundary easier to see. The difference between adults and kids is that with kids you mostly only have to say things once but with adults you have to remind them again and again and again. Why does this have to be so hard, why does it have to be a battle?
Yes I can use a normal ball, yes I can play without white cones, yes of course I can use a regular pen (just don’t ask me to read it back to you) its just that when I do I have to work so much harder than everyone else to achieve the same level of excellence that they do.
This is where Capital football skills training came into things. I was feeling so upset about these challenges that Mum and Kel suggested that I could do the clinic in Term 4 yes to learn new skills and have the training but even more to use the time to work ways to use a regular ball in a different environment with players and coaches I didn’t know.
Basically they threw me in the deep end! Not see me struggle but to help me work out which areas were a struggle and how to get through them. We talk a lot about using the environment around me, about letting my eyes rest, about using my body in different ways, and a lot about slowing down and concentrating on ball control. I didn’t use my audible ball at all, in fact the ball was terrible to try and and see cause it was an awful white and grey colur. the boundary cones were a mix of colours, and we all had white jerseys on. about the easiest thing to see was our bright yellow socks! and each and every week except for maybe one was hot and had a terrible glare coming of the turf. I had lots of weeks when i would fall asleep in the car on the way or just had t lay down afterwards because I was so vision fatigued I couldn’t do anything else, there was even one week where i couldn’t go because i had one my stupid migraines.
And then it happened… one week after training, Mum could see that it had been really really hard, and tried to talk to me to see if she could help with anything. I kinda lost it, I cried and yelled and cried some more, and then she said something really harsh but really true to me. She said “Claire I love you very much but this rot has to stop now. You have a low vision impairment, it sucks and its shitty (I still cant believe she said that!) you can continue on being angry about it and thinknig you should be able to do things the way everyone else does, or can you can wake up to yourself and work out that you cant.” she also said “that doesn’t mean that you cant do anything and everything that the next person can Claire because you can do anything your heart desires, it simply means that you need to work out how do it differently and still do your best. yes it will mean that you have have to work harder at somethings, or take a little longer but the choice is yours Claire you can do a half arsed job (cant believe she said that either, my Mum was really mad!) doing things the same way others do or you can be incredible by doing it your way!”
I cant ever remember a time where my Mum has spoken to me like that before but after I finished being angry with her cooled of and had a think about it, I know she is right, so this year in 2014, I am going to concentrate on being Claire 🙂
Hopefully I will be able to spend more time filling you in on more of the list over the next few weeks because I have some ver very exciting news!
have a great day,